When was the last time you did something to challenge yourself?
Today's world let's more people live a safe and comfortable life. But the fact that more of us can live without ever going out of our comfort zone, may be harmful for individuals and society as a whole.
Learning to embrace discomfort can help us turn negative challenges into opportunities for growth. This is perfectly captured by John Assaraf:
“A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there”.
Actively engaging in something challenging occasionally and embracing the discomfort can help us grow, learn new things, and develop a stronger sense of self respect.
Keep reading to find out more.
Embracing The Uncomfortable
If you ever wanted to become a stand up comedian, you would have to go up on stage as a beginner and give it your best shot. If you're lucky you might be a natural comedy talent, most likely you're not. But it would definitely be very uncomfortable, maybe to the point of you saying "I won't ever do this again."
A study by Kaitlin Woolley and Ayelet Fishbach found that when people were encouraged to embrace discomfort during improvisational exercises, they took more risks and improvised more freely compared to those who weren’t given this advice.
In another part of the study, participants were asked to do a writing exercise meant to help them work through emotional issues. Those who were told the exercise might be uncomfortable and to embrace that feeling were more likely to find the exercise helpful.
If we look at people throughout history, or the modern age, it's clear a lot of successful people have spent their fair share in uncomfortable challenges. And it might have been a reason they got to where they are.
Just as muscles grow by being torn down and rebuilt stronger, so too does our character develop through challenges. I'm sure you can recall certain moments where you have challenged yourself to do something uncomfortable, and came out a stronger person.
I remember when I was about 16, I decided to try and start a business and help local companies with their social media presence and content creation. I contacted a few local businesses and managed to get a single response, saying they were not very interested. I humbly replied to him and said I could meet him at their office and tell him more. So we set up a meeting and met at his office.
This was very uncomfortable for me, I felt like a fraud, I had never had a meeting before and didn't really believe I had anything to offer him.
When we met, the CEO of the company told me that my persistence is what made him decide I was worthy talking to. Even though nothing became of this business of mine, I learned a lesson there by going out of my comfort zone. Persistence and humility can open doors.
Fully Appreciating Comfort
When we occasionally push ourselves out of our comfort zone, it's so much easier to fully enjoy the comfortable things in our lives.
Laying down in bed after an exhausting social gathering or hard workout feels like a well earned reward. The calm feels so much more precious after enduring a storm.
The small things in life are often overlooked, like a beautiful forest, fresh air, the sun, food. But go without any of these for a while, and you will be mindful of how precious they are.
This is why discomfort and challenge can be a gift, it can open our eyes to the wonderful things in every day life. It can help us appreciate the comfort we have.
Talking of discomfort and challenge may have you think of extreme activities like running a marathon, climbing mount everest or building a billionaire business, but that's not what im talking about.
Discomfort and challenge can be small steps, that result in great rewards. Going to a social gathering when your first instinct was to stay at home and play video games, may turn out to be much better than you first thought. You might meet a new friend, the love of your life, or just have a great time.
Performing a cover song on an open stage might sound terrifying, but after doing it you might have found a new strength in yourself. No matter if the audience liked or disliked your performance, taking a step into the uncomfortable and vulnerable is a strong and brave act.
I love being home in my safe haven, and rarely feel the need to leave. When friends and family around me plan activities and socialize my first instinct might be to decline invitations and stay at home.
Recently, I have learned that when I go out anyway I rarely regret it. Just going out with friends to socialize knowing I can leave when I want, makes coming home feel even better.
Mental health seems like it's becoming worse even though a our quality of life and safety is improving. My guess is that with our quality of life improving people choose to be comfortable all the time, and tend to avoid struggle and discomfort.
But, occasionally going out of your comfort zone might be a good way for you to start appreciating the small things in daily life even more.
Strive to find your sweet spot with comfort/discomfort, read my post on starting small and still transforming your life
Self Respect Thrives With Challenge
Taking on challenges and completing them is one of the fastest ways to prove your strength to yourself. We all want to feel capable, strong and self-loving.
I have found that when I do uncomfortable things like physical exercise, perform music, be vulnerable and talk about my feelings, I get a immediate effect of self respect and appreciate that I did something I didn't have to do. And that it made me feel better.
The same thing applies to doing what you should be doing. Cleaning your room, getting rid of junk, calling family and friends, helping someone else. Doing good or challenging deeds can make you appreciate yourself and your efforts of being a good person.
Self respect has no requirement, but we can make it easier to appreciate and respect ourselves by doing well.
Here are some examples on embracing discomfort and challenging yourself;
Social discomfort: Attend a networking event alone.
Physical discomfort: Try a new workout routine or a physical challenge.
Emotional discomfort: Have a difficult conversation you've been avoiding.
I am a great advocate of moderation. The whole point of this blog and the concept of Lagom is to find just the right amount. This too applies on going out of your comfort zone, and is something each person should explore for themselves.
I know that the right amount of discomfort drastically improves my wellbeing and mental state. Putting myself through physical exercise a 2-3 times a week and engaging in something social really helps me feel happy and strong.
A new habit I recently introduced is regular reading. You might not look at sitting down reading a book as a challenge or uncomfortable, but for me it is a challenge to dedicate time for a book without any distractions and read with focus. I look at this new habit as practice for my focus, and it can be challenging.
A Comfort Zone Is a Beautiful Place, But Nothing Ever Grows There
I want to return to the wonderful quote by John Assaraf;
“A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there”.
This sentence perfectly captures the spirit of this blog post. As always, I want you to use the concept of lagom to find just the right amount of going out of your comfort zone. Not too much, and not too little. The extreme ends usually end up crashing, and you want to find a sustainable long term lifestyle that works for you, in your ever changing situation.
I am currently trying to recalibrate my sweet spot of discomfort. I have previously had pretty high standards of thinking I have to live like a certain bodybuilder or entrepreneur to feel self respect. That is a bad idea.
We are all different individuals and should strive to tailor our lifestyle to our situation. In the end, the only thing that matters is that you appreciate and find meaning in your own life.
To end it all with a fitting quote
“Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is doing something despite the presence of fear.”
- Chad E. Foster
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